IT'S A LONG, LONG ROAD

I just read JoAnna's blog about her grandmother, whose life turned out to be a bit less than ideal for herself. Dorothy married a widow who had a son already and then she had two boys with her husband. The stepson had already had a trying time in life because he lost his own mother and soon lost his father too. Imagine trying to make sense of that. Ask yourself if that's anything like what we dream of for our children. Dorothy was "allowed" to be married for seven short years before Ed died, and then she was left with her own very young boys and one stepson to raise and provide for. It seems she drew the short end of the stick in life. But she was heroic and uncomplaining and went on to do a good job. It was a challenge every step of the way.

My mother was a sweet, fun loving girl who was happily married all her life. But very often, she was judged as dominating and rigid. I don't think she was. I think she did what she had to do. Sometimes she would say that she "wasn't like this" before she was married. I know that Daddy had to be working almost all the time and that left her at home to take care of lots of things. This pushed her into being "tough" and dogmatic sometimes, but she had to be. How else can you manage five or six people who are all wanting to go in different directions? I'm convinced that if she was actually given a choice, she would have remained carefree and easy-going. She would have laughed much more often and cried a lot less. Her children were very challenging for a lot of the time. I don't understand why they felt such a compulsion to rebel.

Like Dorothy, Mama had to grab hold and hang on. I'm sure things in life did not turn out the way she dreamed. For one thing, when she was young, she wanted so badly to go on to school. But she graduated at a difficult time for many people. It was called The Depression. She told me once that "there just wasn't any money anywhere," not just for her family but for everybody. More school just wasn't possible.

When Mama and Daddy got married, during the Depression, the next slam in life was World War II. It was said you couldn't even buy sewing pins because everything was needed for the war effort. That war covered the 40's. Undoubtedly, it was not what young marrieds had dreamed of as their earliest experiences in life. In 1955 my parents moved from Star Valley to Salt Lake City to live the rest of their lives. They were the last of Mama's family to leave that idyllic place, where they had dreamed of raising their family and being happy ever after. My grandparents and great-grandparents,even great-great's, had all made their homes in Star Valley. But they all had to leave in some kind of slow migration process. There has been none of us living there since that move in '55. Did life plan that for them? I don't know. It's what life dealt them. It's what they got. I guess the real "plan" is for us to deal with what we get, rise to the occasion, do the best we can. And they have all done that...Mama and Daddy, Dorothy, and all of us too, I hope.

Both women, and my Dad too, did very well with what they were given. It took a great deal of prayer and pure tenacity to manage. They gave their families all they could and gave up a great deal of themselves. I know they were funloving and funny and smart and sweet. They were good people. It will be wonderful to see them again in the next life when we can all breathe deep and relax and be who we really are. Hopefully we will forgive ourselves and each other for shortcomings and mistakes, and while we have become stronger and learned a great deal, our gentle, playful aspects will prevail.