When I got married...oh about ten thousand years ago....I am wondering what I was thinking.... haha....not in that way, but what were my expectations then? I just read J'nanabear's latest post. She has been married just three years and she was musing about the many changes in her life since then. Basically things were under control for her before. She managed her life without flaw. Why is it different now? I am wondering the same thing. What happened?? I hate to see her losing herself and her dreams fading. But it seems to be the natural order of things, doesn't it?
Before I got married, what were my expectations? What were my plans? Like Nanabear, my finances were well managed. I was careful and paid my bills on time.... no problems. I could buy the clothes I wanted. I always looked good. Nail polish and perfume were part of my daily wardrobe. My fiance was a weight-lifting, good-looking man with a wonderful sense of humor who treated me like a queen. My plan was to eat such healthy food and keep us in good shape. [Some of you out there should stop your laughing, Right Now!!!] I had no idea how quickly this becomes the impossible dream. I planned to be a nurturing mother, gentle, kind, and adored by my family. What happened there????? At this point now, I am convinced that my nurturing button has completely burned out. It sounds crazy, but I cannot plan meals or shop for more than a day or two of groceries. My house does not express me and only looks halfway decent for a few months at most. And now I'm getting too old to work hard on it. Things are supposed to be done..finished !!! It shouldn't be that I'm still not settled. It shouldn't be that I am inept and ineffective. But it might be that that's how I have always been and maybe it will never change.
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Maybe the thing to do is just go on and enjoy each day. And reach outside of yourself to enjoy what goes on around you...babies laughing, gifts on Mother's Day, puppydogs, gorgeous, wonderful children, friends who accept you as you are, light Spring snows, staying at the Holiday Inn. This time of life is full of contentment. I am happy. I just didn't turn out the way I planned. My children and grandchildren are wonderful, though. And they will actually be seen with me in public, so that's nice. I could wear perfume every day if it didn't kick my asthma up. I could get a lot of cleaning done if I was stronger and thinner. Oh blah......some things aren't worth the worrying. Enjoy what you have. Be who you want to be. I'm a sparkling Bohemian.....at least once in awhile, I like to think I am. It's still fun to dream and make plans. And if I work hard, maybe there is still enough time to change and/or revive my better self.
Maybe the thing to do is just go on and enjoy each day. And reach outside of yourself to enjoy what goes on around you...babies laughing, gifts on Mother's Day, puppydogs, gorgeous, wonderful children, friends who accept you as you are, light Spring snows, staying at the Holiday Inn. This time of life is full of contentment. I am happy. I just didn't turn out the way I planned. My children and grandchildren are wonderful, though. And they will actually be seen with me in public, so that's nice. I could wear perfume every day if it didn't kick my asthma up. I could get a lot of cleaning done if I was stronger and thinner. Oh blah......some things aren't worth the worrying. Enjoy what you have. Be who you want to be. I'm a sparkling Bohemian.....at least once in awhile, I like to think I am. It's still fun to dream and make plans. And if I work hard, maybe there is still enough time to change and/or revive my better self.
The baby I am holding here was a guest at a Fourth of July picnic at my house years ago. His name is Damien. He is not a grandchild so don't knock yourself out trying to figure out who he is.
7 comments:
Love this post! Similar to what I just wrote this morning. We just have to enjoy every blessing! I hope you have a wonderful weekend!
I love, love, love that picture! It reminds me of how we used to look. Wasn't your hair just beautiful. And that dress is so cute and looks familiar, like maybe I had one like it or similar. Well, didn't we all just think we'd stay that way. We didn't know some of the well-kept secrets about aging. Our bodies did, though, and they reacted accordingly. My oldest daughter is 39 this year. If I live long enough, they will begin to understand why I am like I am. Seeing Mom and Kay depart has made me very aware of my own mortality. I am the oldest now. I wonder if that means I will get more dinner invitations? I hope so. I am going to be a very appreciative guest.
oh Judie.... you are sooo cute. I hope you get all the dinner invitations you can handle.
Very heartwarming and honest post. You echo so many of the same things that we all feel as we get to this stage in our lives. It's good to see and feel that there are others who feel these things. I think you're beautiful in both pictures. I love your comments on my blog. Thanks for writing. Diane
I think all new brides have the same expectations and they just never quite turn out... not really any fault of our own, just how life turns out and those decisions usually require a mutual decision and that's not always how things work out. Sometimes life is out of your control. I may not have been married 10,000 years ago, but I feel like I've had that much experience. I remember how I felt before and how I feel now and it's not at all what I wanted, not even close. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't know what he did wrong, I just know we didn't weather the storms....
Hahahahha............you've discovered the great irony of life. It's just me. This is it. There it is. I'm not going to be any different when all the babies are out of diapers, in school, graduated, married.........and so on. I'm not a frazzled, running around in circles person because of what's going on around me. I AM a frazzled, running around in circles person. That's me! So there it is. Sad but true. Me.
All of you make me laugh a little because it's so obvious you are wonderful...beautiful...kind........full of grace and beauty. You get more and moreso. Thanks for the friendships and compliments. I adore you all. You give me hope.
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