All the snow we've experienced this past month has me thinking of simpler times for some reason. That doesn't seem logical, but it is. When I was very young, lots of snow was great. We kids played in the snow and our parents coped with the logistics of living with it. Now, I'm wondering how to get the sidewalk cleared two or three times a week and hoping the snowplow for the street doesn't lock in my car to where I can't get it out. Perhaps because I have to be more focused now on what happens on a daily basis, it reminds me of my younger, much younger days.
Does anyone remember going to school, walking home, a dinnertime, etc. and that was basically what you did everyday??? Perhaps you are all too young to have had that experience. You probably are. That was about all you did on weeknights. There was an absence of half a dozen places to go and extra things to do. It was nice. Last night I was wondering why it was that I was attempting to make phone calls, (as an at-home job I've taken on) and at the same time, stop and talk to Mr. K. about his horrible day, and make dinner, and finish kitchen duties, and run out to the store, and despair over the state of the house, etc, etc. Does this sound like multi-tasking? I know I have it much easier than all of you because I don't work and I have few pressing responsiblities. But I think of Heather, working and driving and picking up James and the twins and driving through all that traffic and Then!!! making dinner, doing housework, talking to her family and her husband and doing laundry and who knows what else. Oh, and she should "have time for herself"! (Huh?) Wasn't there a way once that these things were taken care of one by one, on some sort of schedule? Does it have to be done ALL AT ONCE??!!! I think the answer is yes, it does.
Where did that come from??? Oh I know where it came from, but can't we go back to the more simple way? I suppose that would be called organizing. But when JoAnna talks about her day at work, it looks like there is no organization to it. People are pulled off their jobs to do other things. Deadlines are ignore with the expectation that they will mysteriously be met anyway, somehow. Do you see that the whole world is CRAZY??!!!!!! It feels like there is little control over so much of our lives. It also makes me livid that in the financial state of things, the banks have so much control over our money. Those bankcards that Visa likes to advertise on T.V. as keeping the world going 'round are such a bother. I don't want to use them, hoping that the receipt doesn't get lost, or I won't forget to deduct my spending later from my account and find myself in some kind of trouble. Why can't I write a check? Why do we have to go faster and faster? I always feel stupid and guilty just trying to stuff my wallet back in my purse at the checkout counter because it takes so much time and there are people waiting behind me.
How did we get to this point? What will we do to slow things down again?? I've been wanting to make cookies for the past two months. Granted, I am extremely unorganized, but it appears it just can't be done. Maybe I'm waiting for conditions to be perfect first. The sun should be shining, the kitchen gleaming and clean, no other commitments or errands needing to be done. Oh it is such a beautiful dream.
I don't know if I want anyone to know this about me. I shouldn't publish such an expose' on myself. I should get off the computer and go make the cookies. Arghhhhhh!!!!! Well, I'd better go do something. And one can only do one thing at a time, basically. So maybe if I keep breathing and just don't stop moving............I'm not sure that is the answer. I want a whole new, not lifestyle so much as attitude. It's all in the attitude. Maybe I'm just getting old. No...it's the lifestyle. Have to change the lifeSTYLE, adopt a new attitude, and slow down. No more multi-tasking. One thing at a time. And Enjoy the day, the moment, the cookies.
PS...just realized I have to be downtown in an hour. Look at me...I'll be arrested for looking like this!!!! This is how it goes. You know what??? It's all this COMPUTER'S FAULT!!!!!!!
Editor's Note: This clearly shows evidence of suffocation of mental faculties. However, one needs, from time to time, an explosive catharsis to shake things up and clear the thinking, sort of like dynamiting a bridge to clear the way for another route. (huh?)
5 years ago
2 comments:
You're too funny.... and yet leave me little hope that things will ever slow down or get simpler... (sigh...) I think we do this to ourselves a little though.
I do remember walking home from school, doing my chores, sitting down to a home cooked meal and talking about my day with my folks. I may have been completely oblivious to their chaos though. Bills and errands and their parental responsibility never crossed my mind. I don't think I ever thought about how and when they got groceries and paid bills and dealt with bad days.
Which is probably why I am pretty easy going with the kids and hard on myself now. I want them to be kids...and not worry about grown up stuff till they have too.
But then, I've self imposed the world upon my shoulders. I could take it or leave it, I can go 120 mph or I can stop... I guess, I make time where and when I need too. I define my priorities. I give before I take. That's just the way of a mother. But I'd certainly take it, everyday, than not have it at all...
I do wish it'd slow down once in a while... and it does, about 1 a.m. I can walk around a quiet house, check in all the rooms and see everyone motionless, calm and dreaming... then my crazy day/weeks/months are/were/was worth it. Sometimes the dishes and laundry have to wait so I can pay attention to my husband before he drifts off to sleep. I look at my drive time as 3 boys with my undivided attention telling me about their day.(and also a drain on the gas tank but that's beside the point)
Multitasking is a necessary evil nowadays. I don't 'love' my job but I have to do it to help support my family, I miss the satisfaction of being a stay at home mom, but I was even busier then.... soccer here, basketball there, play practice, sleepover here, doctor, shopping.... at least now I have a companion to share it with, my job is my only down time.
I keep looking forward to things slowing down, maybe that's what keeps me going, so don't take that away from me, I'm a little delusional but I like denial, it's my home away from home....
it'll all slow down someday.
If I start to comment, I may go on and on and on...
I feel so overwhelmed by it all. I DREAM of going away somewhere and living in a small town and being the stay at home mome and trying to capture any of that peace that I really want to be possible. Maybe like you've both said, it's childhood and being unaware of adult responsibilities. It just seems that we're too interdependent (is that a word? is it the right word???) on all that's out in the world. The idea of being a farmer sounds so... self sufficient and like the stress would at least be my own and I could choose how to deal with it. This life is hectic with Visa cards (my person at the bank was SO impressed, by the way, that I even kept a register because most people don't!), grocery stores, commercials, jobs... We have to have so much material stuff. We have to DO so much. Can't we slow down???
Jeff's talked lately about learning to be a blacksmith. I'm not sure if he means as a hobby or a career, but isn't that a wonderful thought? I imagine us in our little house on the prairie and he works making neat things, useful things, decorative things, and I tend the babies and we eat vegetables we've grown ourselves and read on the porch by the setting sun...
Why can't life be like that?!?!?!?!?! Someone! anyone! please tell me it's possible?!?!?!?
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