Hmmm........right now I feel like I am standing between two posts, the tall wooden kind, who are really persons in my life, and they are each pulling on one or the other of my arms in opposite directions. Funny enough, I believe they each want the same thing for themselves from me. So, as if I am the turkey wishbone, they are pulling to see who gets the winning piece.
Sometimes, (although this is almost a constant haunting,) I feel very indifferent to the situation. It doesn't concern me, I'll tell myself. I don't have to deal with it. Uh-huh......like the turkey wishbone just has to sit there, not much else.
You see, their problems are really not my problems, but each of them wants them to be my problems. One is telling me what not to do and the other is bursting into tears (well, not really) about what I should be doing and could do and...etc. etc. There is a conflict here, you see. One is trying to be overtly helpful, the other is trying not to impose. The helpful one stirs my brain and questions my obligations and real feelings. The other whimpers and promises not be a bother or need anything. One wants me to care for her for the rest of her life. The other is jealous, possessive, and wants all my attention for herself.I have to talk to these people on a fairly daily basis so avoiding this can be only a temporary solution. It comes back...it's always there.
It makes me upset that one would try to "poison" me against the other by reminding me of how difficult it will be to help her. I am reminded of all the ruinations of the past and of how unfair it would be to everyone else in the group. I suspect it's because this person wants the same thing from me but would never vocally admit it or even accept it without protest, insincere as that would be. But in this backdoor approach, she is vyeing for my attention just as much and for the same reason.
It appears to me that the other is being very irresponsible with her circumstances at this time. I can't help feeling that she is looking for someone to just rescue her, take her home, and feed and care for her. And the question on that is: do that for how long?...a couple of months?...a year?..forever?? Answer, I'm afraid, is C. I/We don't have the ability to do that. And there are about a million other reasons to object to this. And there is the ethics of it all...i.e...this person is being very unresponsible for herself.
My Mr.Bear says we should tell these people to take a number and go to the end of the line. They really should. That, indeed, is the only answer. So many other disruptions are going on right now that involve our own little bears that we need to care for, as well as our own wellbeing. Going to the end of the line to wait is really a very good solution.
But, what will these two do, who have made their beds and filled them full of rocks? I know....who cares! But it's difficult to turn away and not try to help somehow. What I have to realize...and that is the whole reason for typing this particular blog, which you are not obliged in any way to read...is, I have to realize that, somehow, it's okay to turn away, it's not my fault they are in these messes. I can help by being a friend, but I am not able to rescue either of them. This is so much harder than you may know. They make me feel so responsible. I have a house. I have a family...a really, really great group. I have an amazing husband taking care of all of us. I am reasonably healthy. Doesn't that make me resonsible for these other two, then??? If I have so much, am I not required to share, or give it all away, or something like that??? Hmmmm.......
I have to say that the one person who pulls on me a lot does so by warning me that I am obligated to care for my immediate family first,which is good advice from a friend. So let's give her credit where it's due. She's right and that worries me because when these other two need so much attention, then the littlebears are often put on hold. Sometimes the hold goes on for much too long. I know it has happened too many times. It's just that it's hard to break away and get the priorities straight. It's the squeaky wheel thing...I always think I can take care of it right away and then get back to the important people. But it doesn't work that way. As one of my little bears has pointed out...more than once....you don't need to let a vampire suck your blood just because if he can't have it, he'll die.
I have needed a catharsis. I need to put my thoughts out where I can see them. Blogging helps. If you have read this far, I am amazed...and thank you for staying with it. It really is so I can vent and try to get my mind set straight. It's much better than just chasing the thoughts around inside my head. I know I'm saying mean things about people that I should never make "public" but I don't expect them to ever read this. Ha..I didn't expect you to read this. So if you have...thank you for your interest. You've been generous with your time. I hope I haven't alienated anyone...but....I probably have.....oh well....
I think I have to break away from both these people. I can be a listening friend, make suggestions, agree with their thoughts, and give them an ice cream, but I don't have to solve their problems or make them my own. I'll just be here for a visit and a chat once in awhile. That should be good, eh? So, how do I tell the one that she can't move in with me, or tell the other to stop spreading so much gossip-vomit? Have I solved my own problem, or is this just a good ranting? I have to break away. I could move out of state. I have a place to go....Wrong. that abandons everybody. Just keep breathing.? That works. Whatever.....aren't the sunsets beautiful lately? Want some ice cream?
6 years ago
3 comments:
So it's your fault I've had ice-cream everyday this last weekend. (Just needed someone to blame). I like your new set up/colors. Other than that, I'm at a loss for words. I like to read your "rant" because I like to know what's going on with you. But what to do about these people!?!?!
I have a friend who insists she is dying. I know this should warrant all my heart, soul, and energy. But this friend has cried wolf so many times and it only seems to be so that she can take advantage of friends, family, even church and state organizations. That's a HORRIBLE thing to say about someone. But, objectively, if it's true, I can't let that happen to me OR be a part of it. Right?
Hm, just trying to relate but I doubt it gets us anywhere.
Anyway, I think we think that to be good Christians, we are supposed to let the vampire suck our blood. But perhaps someone else can look at the situation and see that the "right" thing is for the vampire not to prey on sweet teddy bears. I don't get it. But perhaps we need that outside objectivity.
I don't know what Jesus would do. I think I've said this before, but one time I was thinking about the stories from the scriptures and the lessons I've had about Him being an example of service and I had the very clear thought that He wasn't a doormat for people; Jesus helped people to help themselves. Jesus was the master teacher right? He taught them to fish as well as fed them miraculously. So perhaps we need to help these people learn? Can you take these people to dinner without buying their food for the rest of their lives? Can you help them out now while teaching them or giving them strength to do for themselves later?
Hm. I don't know. How can I use this for my friend? I can see it with the one person in your life though- perhaps she really needs guidance and it seems like you and Papa Bear COULD give her that?
Man, I step away for a week and everybody's blog has changed color, shape, whatever. Anyway, I read your post while half asleep so I don't think I really know what I read. That's okay, except I have a sneakin' hankerin' (does that make sense? like I said, I'm half asleep) that something's going on I don't know about. Right? I should probably be glad I don't know. But all I can say is this -- given that the population of your house seems to double every two to three months, I hope you're not planning to add any new tenants. I used to think getting the junk out of the house was going to be the biggest problem when you're no longer with us, but I'm starting to think the vagrants will be the greater challenge.
Ahh, Benny and your wisdom.
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