ODE TO UNCLE HARVEY

I went down to Uncle Harve's funeral this week. He was 91 years old. He died after a fall broke his neck.

Uncle Harvey was one of my very favorite uncles. He was always very friendly and he spent time talking to us.He was one of those very lucky and rare people who have beautiful, twinkling eyes so he always looked happy, like he was smiling. He polished rocks as a hobby, and he would show us how beautiful a rock could become if you knew how to polish and refine it until it became smooth and shiny and full of color. He invented a way of his own to polish larger rocks as well. In the right season he and Aunt Blanche would let us go out and climb in the cherry tree and pick cherries to eat or take home.

The funerals I have attended for my dad's side of the family have always been nice. I try to think of another more descriptive word, but the one that fits best is nice. They are a celebration of the person's life, a more joyous occasion than sad. The extended family is brought together once again to visit and recoup from not seeing each other for various spaces of time. One cousin I had seen within the past year, another hadn't seen quite a few of any of us for almost forty years. The nice thing is, we are all compatible and friendly as ever.

I noticed most this time the positive spirit amongst us. We all adored Uncle Harve and had warm feelings for Aunt Blanche. They had twenty grandchildren and one great-grandbaby. There was a good mix at the luncheon afterwards, feelings were amiable and familial...a good feeling. I sincerely wished I knew these people better, that the individual groups had spent a lot more time together as children, and kept in touch as we all grew older. That is what family reunions are for, of course. And sometimes I wonder if I would be as enamored with them all if I really knew them better. Familiarity breeds contempt, it's said. But I kind of doubt that would happen with this group. I think I got this bit of malignant thinking from some other place.

A lack of contempt and suspicion and backbiting made things pleasant. It was noticeable here and why, simply stated, I wish we had grown up being more Dean. I've never been with them and not felt comfortable and good. Loved is what you probably call that. I noticed the strength of high principles and benevolant living they have. They seemed content and prosperous being who they are. I can't help wondering if my sisters and I would have had more success with life if we had lived more like Dean's. They loved singing and music. They loved to plant gardens. They were all helpful and kind. Daddy and his brothers were honest, fair-minded men with high principles and integrity.

Unfortunately, my own family didn't spend much time with them in our growing up years. We all lived within two counties of each other, but visits, for whatever reasons were few. Sometimes one or the other would make the drive to spend the afternoon together. Those were nice times, but I doubt that it happened even on a yearly basis.

I suppose what I am campaigning for here is more tradition, more special occasions or picnics, or visits at Christmas or something. I just wish we had been closer to Daddy's family. We should have had everyone to our house for Thanksgiving, or Memorial Day or something,on a happens every year traditional basis and made it a celebration with lots of aunt and uncles and grandparents, and new babies and dozens of cousins running about. Is that too much to ask...maybe.? I'm aware of all the obstacles that would get in the way. But it would so be worth it.

Well, I've never been as close to any of my cousins as I now wish I had been, even on Mama's side, whom we spent a great deal more time with. There was always a bit of contention somewhere in this group. Sad to say, it wasn't nearly as nice. But Daddy's has always been nice. They're good people. And I wish I was more like them, that's all. I think I got a glimpse of how it could all be better, that it is possible to have a little bit of heaven on earth. We should be taking care of each other, not finding reasons not to. Family should be respectful and nurturing, not critical and destructive. I really worry that I've missed the boat. I hope there is another one to come along. I want my family to have this closeness, to nurture and love themselves and each other, to know the wonder of growing and becoming better. I want them to be aware of the sun shining and know where that comes from. And to taste watermelon on summer days and share it all with cousins and aunts and uncles and know the grandmas and grandpas are there to sustain and guide them. That is so how it should be. It would just be better for everybody.!! And I'm convinced that even the problems that came up would be easier to handle....because we would do "the right thing". They would be handled with less selfishness and more compassion. And that would bind us together as Family. And real family brings peace. That's what it's for.

I wonder what I can do to honor my dad's family? I always wanted to have The New Year's Eve party....a gala affair, where we dress in long satin skirts and serve amazing elegant food in an open-house affair. Hmm..maybe... I wanted to invite friends and neighbors also. Wouldn't it be grand.!! All the cousins and friends and family and everybody.....dressed up, drinking pomegranite juice and eating eclairs! With classical music and chandeliers and a hum of conversation that can be heard all the way around the block. Hmmm.....good idea, huh? You'd be there wouldn't you? And in-laws and friends parents and lots of children dressed in Holiday Style. I can see this happening......maybe.....it could happen.........