Sometimes I get on here and just start typing away. It's a catharsis of sorts, an attempt to straighten out what I'm thinking. Probably, it turns out rather fragmented, and it will this time as well. But I need to put my thoughts down so I don't forget them.
My bothersome question at the moment is this: Can you change your basic personality? Is it possible to Change Your Spots? If there is something about you that has always been fairly constant...your reactions to a specific thing for example...can you change how you react to it? So many character traits remain consistent for the whole of a person's life. If you are shy, you remain shy. If you have a bad temper, you are explosive. It's how you are. Some would say nothing can change those traits. Is this true??
In my reading, I've learned that when the brain accepts something new, it makes a new pathway for that information to follow. And I've read that you can learn to help create new paths through meditation, prayer, and/or tapping. I believe this is possible and very probable. If we understood this more, we would be better able to accomplish changes. But can we change a basic, reaction-type character trait?? The question still remains something like this: I don't like the way I respond to certain situations. I should be more upset and aggressive in my reaction to certain things. I tend to just let things go. This is not good. I should be outspoken and more defensive and aggressive to whomever is not acting the way I think he/she should. Can I change myself?
Overall I believe we are a "work in progress," that is, we are creating ourselves everyday. I keep thinking of you, Ben, and free will. Do we create ourselves or are we created by everything around us.? The thing that bothers me now, is that today I realized there have been times when I should have reacted very differently to some things, but I barely reacted at all. And I suppose there could be another blog all about what that was, but I'll just say that I don't want to be so irresponsible again. I don't want to cower in a corner if I should be roaring like a mother bear. Is it possible to change that?
5 years ago
9 comments:
I think it's possible, but very very difficult. It requires being very conscious of how you want to behave and, as much as possible, anticipating those things that would normally elicit the undesired behavior. On top of that, it requires doing this over and over and over and over and over again until it becomes natural. It could take a very long time.
I don't know, though. It sounds like you want to react MORE than you do, rather than trying to prevent overreacting. That might be a more difficult task because it will take not only awareness but bravery. But I've come to think that personality is, in many ways, just a unity of talents. Someone who yells a lot and can't take a joke is someone who is talented at yelling and not so talented at responding to humor. Some people would not do very well at being grumpy. They wouldn't know what to say if they wanted to try being a yelling, complaining person. They lack the talent, probably due to lack of practice. How about that? And so, my point is, you will have to practice until you're expert at the type of behavior you want to come naturally. That's what makes someone an expert -- the expert behavior becomes natural and doesn't require much conscious effort. That takes practice.
I knew I would find you here first thing. Thank you for responding. I like that you've put all this in terms I can understand. I like seeing it as talent.
I don't really want to have the particular talent I'm thinking of. Maybe it's too late for it to do much good now after all. I wish I had it 'then.' There is a possibility the lack of it before has made me stronger for the future. What doesn't destroy us makes us stronger kind of thing. I hate that!
I have learned one thing by playing piano for Relief Society, and that is if you don't have the talent, you just don't have it. I goof up on the most simple things. Some people play without even having to think about it.
Very interesting post, Rosalie. I personally do not think you can change one's basic, inherited personality. BUT--I do think that the person him or herself can 'work' on a certain trait --IF they want a change. I personally lean on the 'shy' side... BUT-- I knew that in my career field (church work), I had to be more of a 'people-person'... I was able to make those changes ---but now that I'm retired, I find that I don't want all of those 'people' around me all of the time!!
Another thought: A person cannot change another person's personality at all... I think sometimes that we TRY---usually with no good results. One of my sons got involved with a gal who had all kinds of problems. He thought he could change her. NOT... He finally had to get out of that relationship, thanks be to God.
I guess what we all need to remember is that we all need to look at our own SPOTS and make necessary character changes ourselves --in order to lead the best lives we can...
Thanks for an interesting post.
Hugs,
Betsy
P.S. I am NOW following your blog!!!!
Betsy...thanks for an enlightening comment. I agree with you...we probably do better with who we are. Your son's situation sounds very familiar. I'm glad things went well for him. I'm still holding my breath on a few things.
It is always a pleasure to see you here. You are very welcome. I will be looking for you.
Hope you are feeling better with your knee.
Rosalie.
The thought I'm having as I read is what is our personality and what is our behavior? Perhaps we can't change our very basic personality- the shyness for example. But we can, not so easily, change our behavior- how we act on that shyness.
The other thought is, WHY do you want to change? Do you really wish you were more aggressive? or do you just wish for different outcomes? Ben and I once discussed how you grow up thinking you'll be class president or head cheerleader but then you get there and it's just not you. You don't want to do the work to get there even if the end result sounds desirable. It's not laziness, it's just not who you are. Those who want to be class president would probably enjoy the work it takes to get there because it's all a part of it. If you want a different outcome- to not be stepped on perhaps?- but you don't want the actual behavior of being witch-y, well then, you have to decide which holds more value to you. I've decided I want to behave and be a certain way and I suppose I'll just have to accept the consequences. If however those consequences or results start to outweigh my chosen way of being, then I guess I'll have to rethink it. I don't know if I make any sense...
JoAnna, I think you've done an excellent job here of clearing things up. You make a lot of sense and I think you're right.
Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. ---Aristotle
I think to some extent this is true. I am now a studious person, I never used to be. However, sort of along the lines of JoAnna's post, why do you want to change? It seems that to set a goal to be more assertive is one thing, to attempt to change from a shy person to an aggressive one is too much of a leap because it is not true to you. Is it worth it?
Good Summary, dear Damsel, And that sums things up very well...it is generally "too much of a leap" for the reason you stated. So we are who we are and the thing to do is to perfect that. We undoubtedly have other talents that allow us to deal with the world in better ways for us, because it is our way of doing so.
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