After watching that program about addictions that is in a previous post, I found a lot to think about. It was surprising how many of you watched the same program and was piqued by it.
What bothered me most was a discussion of how difficult an addiction can be on the whole family. I know, that's obvious. But no one was addicted in our household. We had no problems, .....maybe. But as the narrator described what it's like to live with an addict, I felt an odd thought that maybe, our family had lived 'as if' someone had a problem. One of you I talked to, mentioned that there can be non-drug addictions as well. There can be obsessive-compulsive problems, or work addiction, t v addiction, or internet. Hmm, ......... there can be work addictions, or other things that simply take a parent's interest away from where it would be better placed. The problem becomes one of unpredictability, distrust, insecurity, and too often wondering what to expect in a day where these smashing waves can be constantly hitting a rocky shore.
Addictions often put other problems in disguise. Becoming a workaholic dims emotional problems in relationships or creates a withdrawing of oneself. Constantly burying yourself in hobbies, or projects that only involve you, sends a refusal to everyone saying you're unavailable. And of course, being so all wrapped up in yourself, can make you grouchy and mean. Temper flare-ups leave a child or spouse confused about how to approach you, and doubting their own worth. And there's always the anger flare-ups that are frightening and can be hurtful.
I can't help wondering how much of this my children had to live with all their growing up years. I'm pretty sure there was enough there to have done damage. I know things could have been much better. How do we get over these things. How can you not pass it on.? Can you even tell you have 'an addiction'?
I suppose if you are going to have an addiction you'd better make sure you have a good one. You could get hooked on cleaning maybe, or maybe you can't get enough of your child laughing. Or you can't wait to share a moment with a loved one. It could be as simple as refocusing. Make it you instead of me.
Here's the challenge: What can you change that is an addictive pattern in your life? How can it become focused on a positive? What could you put more of into your life that involves sharing and expressing your love to your family? It really shouldn't be any more difficult than just changing your mind.
5 years ago
3 comments:
I remember thinking several years ago that maybe we can even get addicted to certain attitudes or feelings. Addicted to denial, addicted to lethargy, things like that. I haven't thought about it for quite some time, so I'm not sure what my exact thoughts were, but I think it's an interesting notion. For what it's worth.
I think in our home we get addicted to the drama that we've lived with for so long. If there isn't any there, someone makes some because it feels weird, an odd calm that we don't trust... We're all working on that one. Trying to settle in and settle down. Learning to relax isn't as easy as one would thing.
I think the 'walking on egg shells' feeling is something that is engrained in me now because i've done it so long... I don't know how not to do it...
I totally understand the addiction to thinks like work, cleaning etc. I always attributed it to 'idle hands'. My mom was very much like that, cleaning cleaning all the time, no time to play or talk, had to clean always and the same with my dad and work. Always, thought I wouldn't do that to my kids, but the older the kids get the more I see myself falling into their patterns because I don't know what to do with myself otherwise... need to learn to relax... think I'm addicted to stress.
Thank you both for your thoughts. I didn't mean to open up a can of worms...or did I? I've noticed some different things in myself lately that I wish weren't there and, of course, I will likely always worry about what I have or have not done for my children.
I guess we just go on and try to do better. Hopefully that works.
Post a Comment