LETTER TO MY TWELVE YEAR OLD SELF

Last night Papabear asked, "If you could know then, when you were twelve years old, what you know now, what difference would it have made in your life.?" I would tell my twelve year old self:

Go for what it is you want in life. Do not just sit there and wait for life to happen. Life is guaranteed to be full of disappointments on whatever level you're at. So stock up on the good experiences. Make your own good choices and attain your goals.

I would protect myself. Self concept is becoming such a fragile and fragmented treasure. Where does your self-concept come from? Do you even have one? Is it created from the inside, 0r pulled and patched from the outside. Sometimes I am amused that you almost never see a plain tee-shirt on anyone....they all have 'something to say' emblazoned across the front, and sometimes the back as well, so you can leave a departing thought as well. Everything want to be labled, even people.

Our Visiting Teacher's lesson this month suggests we each have an eternal potential, that each of us is unique to ourselves. (Visiting Teaching Message ENSIGN September 2008) We are not a collective mass being shuffled about. How can we gaurd and protect our individual selves.? How do we safegaurd and protect the right to uniqueness of our children and loved ones/friends? I think we need mothers. We need fathers. We need family time. We need time to meditate and ponder. You have to agree, and if you don't I consider you fortunate, most all of us live so frantically we don't really get a chance to share much of our own thoughts and feelings with anyone. Fathers working such long hours and mothers putting in ten hour days where they have to work have almost no time at all for families or each other or themselves. It worries me because a lot of our self concept is what bounces back from others, especially those who are very important to us. Each of us needs to be validated in our thinking and feeling. Each of us needs to know how our personality is accepted and that what we think is the right thing. It's worrisome that so much of our interaction comes through artificial ways, i.e. television shows, commercials, signs on our tee shirts, where we do our banking, the lables on our shoes, where we shop.....etc.

If I could protect my own uniqueness, how would that happen? I would read a lot, study good books, and create my own thinking/philosophy. I would not allow myself to be persuaded easily without doing some profound thinking. I would pray more and stay close to that one being who is completely committed to my well-being, my Heavenly Father. I would give myself credit for my own ideas and thoughts. I would do what I want to do, giving and serving as I found the opportunity. In the VT lessons I found this inspiring: a quote from Julie B.Beck, "Female roles did not begin on earth, and they do not end here.....By developing a mother heart, each girl and woman prepares for her divine, eternal mission of motherhood" ("A 'Mother Heart,'" Liahona and Ensign, May 2004 , 76)
When it's put so simply, it sounds relatively easy. It gives focus. We women can be girls. How great is that! I am a girl. I will just be a girl with all the fun and wonderfulness that goes with it, like I did when I was small playing "house" with my dolls, or even later, at fifteen years old, for example, when my dream was to marry and have children and create a home of my own. Isn't that simple? Maybe not easy, but simple. And there is my identity, add to it whatever I will, and there is my uniqueness. Our men will also be enriched. I believe it will give them the freedom to be the men they are meant to be....strong, protective, brave. Mothers and fathers will coax this out of their boys, teaching them at the same time to emulate the good men in their lives. Men and boys will have a purpose to their lives. They will be adored by mothers, sisters, and wives. They will know who they are. When they know that, it follows they can become more of who they want to be. And the world balances.

It's a battle now, at this point in time. But a lot can be accomplished by determination and intention. You just decide what you want and then GO FOR IT.!!!

Ah, we really are at war. The dark forces are against this family way of living. There are entrapments everywhere. It is difficult. But I think one thing that can strenghthen each of us and all of us is to focus and stand immoveable, and value your own identity.

Addendum: I remember reading a book when I was eighteen that really deals well with this subject. It may well be considered very old-fashioned at this point in time, but I think it's about all this, and jak's latest blog as well. It was very popular at the time and if you can find it, take an open-minded look. It is [FASCINATING WOMANHOOD by Helen B. Andelin] I wish I still had a copy. You can bet I'll be scouting around for one.
Another couple of books that are good with basic values are [THE TOTAL WOMAN and also TOTAL JOY by Marabel Morgan]. They are no doubt out of print but worth the search. Look in my library on Librarything to get ISBN numbers or reviews or other info. See the Check it Out Box below to go to Librarything.