THE JURY FINDS YOU.....GUILTY

It feels like there is so much that can be said about guilt. I will very likely just take off and run in several directions.

First off, if you mistype and spell guilt with an 'e' on the end instead of a 't'....you get guile.....something to think about. guile: insidious cunning in attaining a goal; crafty or artful deception. Hmm....there's a connection in there somewhere.

. One thing that I have discovered as of late about guilt is, the influence one of my siblings has had over me. The shaping of my responses to different things and my own self concept were molded and woven slowly and with a light touch. I was never actually told I was somehow of inferior birth with little claim to human consideration...well, that's a little strong....but somewhere along my way I learned to always step back and defer to whoever was around me. Everyone, no matter who, was more important than I was. Everybody deserved first serve. I always thought I was being a nice person, had good manners or something. Nowhere did I ever learn that what my feelings were had merit or should be noted. Always, always, let the other guy have the first piece of cake.

So, let's talk about guilt. Where does it come from? Is it a bonafide feeling? I think not. I think it comes from the above suggestion. Not often is it a sincere response. Truth be known, it's likely we would feel very little guilt in our life if left to our own thoughts about most things. This is not to negate love, caring, or other feelings of compassion.

It's not that feeling guilty is not an appropriate response. What I'm saying is it's not a required response. Feeling guilty that you have a painting in your home that might not match someone's moral taste, cannot be the right thing. It is not for others to judge your taste here. It is wrong of anyone to even mention your painting unless they have an opinion of at least minimum praise. That is their obligatory display of good manners.

What I've realized lately, going back to the idea of always condescending to others, is that these negative feelings have been put into my brain drip by goopy, sticky drip. A lifetime of thoughts and feelings being always blocked before they are even given a chance for expression will convince you that no matter what is happening for whatever reason, it is because you made the wrong choice somewhere down the line and held the wrong thought about it. You are wrong. If only you weren't always wrong!!! And naturally if you are wrong, you must change something here. You have to do something.!!!!!

I think that every idea or thought I've expressed that has been heard by ...someone I grew up with... has been immediately countered and blocked with "NO....." I'm wrong. Still!!!! Another that has been forceful is, just don't tell me anything. Look past me. Make information unavailable and 'unnecessary' to me. Not really needing this, I can go on for a long time not knowing or understanding things that are important in this day-to-day dumbing down process. Very soon....Zap!...I'm invisible...haven't got enough brains to figure things out anymore.

So first you learn in sunday school that you are guilty, just because you're there. Then with the help of parents, siblings, teachers, friends, spouses, etc. one day you will know for sure that yes, you are thinking, doing, being the wrong thing all the time and you deserve to be punished.
Try and change it. Is that possible? You are guilty....for something...you figure it out....guilty you are....you just are........Guilty.!!!!!